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Sec

I'm not cutting any other woman's muscle tone, but I believe you would have to be a very experienced porn star to have that kind of muscle control. The Kegel excercises would have to start about 3 months in advance to be strong enough to squeeze enough of the fluid out of a plastic lemon juice container, or anything other than something as flexible as a condom for that matter.

Besides the fact that a properly observed test actually watches the urine flow from the body. There would have to be a woman doing the observing and every woman knows you don't need to touch yourself to pee. The cup is usually held about 3-4 inches BELOW the body when voiding. IF a woman put the cup up against herself so she could actually peal the wax stopper from a bottle hidden in her vagina, I would ask her to lower the cup so I could see clearly. IF I didn't ask her to do this, then I, as the observer, couldn't do my job properly.

I was required to do an observed the other day. The woman didn't sit directly on the toilet, but rather held herself over the toilet in a sort of half squat (like peeing in the woods) and held the cup under and caught the flow of urine about 3 inches below the body.

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1tokeovertheline

First off (you know but for everyone else) I am a male. I learned what a Kegal was 27 yrs ago while taking child birth classes with my wife for my oldest son. Those plastic lemons aren't really that easy to sqeeze. That is why I suggested the plastic mustard bottle. They are a little easier to squeeze. Kegals are easy to do, can be done anywhere and could prevent a bladder suspension when you get older. I recommend women do them daily and several times. Then again like I said I am a male.

One of the disadvantages of being a woman. A man has to touch himself to pee or at least to get his "male muscle" out and ready. I was asked once when we had a party if I had bladder problems because of my frequent trips to the bathroom. I replied " No, I just like to hold it."
Or........in the same manner you would after painting your tool box pink while carrying a purple lunch box.

note to admin/mods.....I have already taken action and warned myself to refrain from replying in this thread in the future.

jw22315

You're right I am not a woman but I am starting to understand. Why not just use one of them squeeze mustard bottles? Then you could just pop the little top open and squeeze out what you need and snap it back closed. Then you wouldn't have to worry about covering the wax.

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Actually, thats a great idea. Although, the mustard bottle MAY be a bit too big....but then, I guess it all depends on the girl. LOL!
The conatiner itself has to be pretty easy to squeeze too. In fact, soley relying on "squeezing" it may cause one to run into trouble because you need a steady stream.....not one that stops and starts, and you would have to squeeze repeatedly in order to get all of the fluid out. Again, I guess it all depends on the girl and what she is capable of doing with her "southern talents". The easiest type of container is one that A.) stays securley in place with out risk of falling out. B.) an easy access opening that prevents leakage and requires minimal effort to open and C.)a steady and sure FLOW that doesnt require a lot of squeezing yet doesnt all splash out at once.
It's a bit of a recipe to follow and ALL systems checked until performed with ease. But then, I guess that is rather obvious. G'NIGHT!

jw22315

Besides the fact that a properly observed test actually watches the urine flow from the body. There would have to be a woman doing the observing and every woman knows you don't need to touch yourself to pee. The cup is usually held about 3-4 inches BELOW the body when voiding. IF a woman put the cup up against herself so she could actually peal the wax stopper from a bottle hidden in her vagina, I would ask her to lower the cup so I could see clearly. IF I didn't ask her to do this, then I, as the observer, couldn't do my job properly.

I was required to do an observed the other day. The woman didn't sit directly on the toilet, but rather held herself over the toilet in a sort of half squat (like peeing in the woods) and held the cup under and caught the flow of urine about 3 inches below the body.

Honestly, even if I wasnt dirty, there is NO WAY I would be able to go thru all that rigamaroo in order to give a sample. There is no way I would Stand or squat above the toilet, Pee a bit and then place the cup underneath the stream to catch it. I just couldnt do that!! I dont know if it is a deep dwelling issue I have with peeing in front of another human being or what.... but I just dont think I could do all that.
How could a woman observer ACTUALLY watch the stream of the flow leaving the woman's body with out squatting down herself and looking directly at the vagina?? I have NEVER seen that done. Are you saynig they are actually SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?? that would ALSO freak me out to NO END. CLEAN OR DIRTY! Seriously, are they really supposed to do that???
I could understand the observer having to LISTEN to the flow, but I can NOT see or wrap my brain around an observer getting that close or being that intrusive to my bodily function. WHEW! If I were clean, I would become SO VERY INDIGNANT and angry!
But if what you say is true, and in fact, the observer MUST watch the flow leave the uretha.... I dont see how she could possibly do that without her head being 6 inches from my vagina. Im shuddering at the thought! YIKES!

Sec

The only reason to be subjected to an observed drug test (for employment) is if you have been caught trying to cheat on this or another drug test or have been positive on a previous test and the employer is giving you another chance to keep your job by staying clean.

Yes, they are supposed to do that and no, it doesn't take your face 6 inches from your vagina. If the donor doesn't actually sit on the seat but rather squats above it, it is rather easy to see.

Welcome to the real world. You get all upset and shocked, but this is life in the world as we live in it. You fail a drug test for an employer, and the employer gives you another chance, this is what you are subject to.

Or... probation and military tests are almost always observed. Most probation officers don't actually observe correctly, but in the military, they most certainly do.

 

jw22315

uh....er...um...Yes SIR! or MA'AM! ( shrieking back slowly, hands up in protective mode )

I was just sayin what worked for me on observed tests for the last 6 years. Ever had a close call? Yes I have! Ever been a fumbling, shakey donor? Of course! Ever thought....."damn, if I would just stop puffin I wouldnt have to worry about this to begin with!"?? Oh yeah! But, because Im a toker, I guess it would be pointless or somewhat redundant to say I try to keep away from that big nasty REAL WORLD. for cryin out loud, I feel like I just ran away from Boot Camp and got screamed at!
Guess I will take my toys ( and lemon juice squeezer ) and go to another sand box to play in! HMPH!!!!!!!!!
What a DELIGHT its been!

Broadzilla

A friend of mine swears by this method of being tested while being observed. She says she's never been caught.

She takes one of those little liquor bottles that you get on airplanes. She fills it with the sub, and puts a piece of foil, and a rubber band tightened to keep the foil on.

She makes sure she actually has to pee when she does the test.

She puts the bottle *there* and at test time, she puts the cup under her, and punctures the foil with her fingernail, the sub goes into the cup.

Then she moves the cup, and actually pees into the toilet.

I've never been brave enough to try this, but she says it works.

JJToker

I have to say that SEC I would put money on it you are male. I have been drug tests for years and NEVER EVEN ONCE has an observer looked at my VaJJ! I know you really seem to like to be right but in the case of female urination (or substituion) techniques perhaps you should leave the advice to the females. And I hope that JW returns I am going to practice her method tonight.

29yeartoker

Sorry to dissapoint you but Sec is a female. She is also in the testing field. Her advice is sound and she knows what she is talking about. I would take her advice.

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JJToker

I can tell you for sure that just because someone is in the testing field does NOT mean they know anything about how to beat a test. The only way to know is to practice different methods and share our experience so SHE should have been a little nicer to women on here that are trying to share thier experience and not argue. I mean there is only like four women that have shared successfull substituion methods so lighten up! Take a toke, it's all good!