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suzyQ

Nothing like waiting till the last minute... My deadline is 8pm this evening. I am required to have a urinanalysis drug test, observed by the lag asshole this evenng. I am going with the synthetic urine, which I have never tried. There is no option, but to pass this test. I was going to literally get a catheter and do that whole thing, but its too late to get the medical supplies, and I figure there must be an easier method. I need advice on rigging something up to be able get the urine in the cup as if I was doing it myself while not being caught. I realize the temperature factors. I am in need of advice on how someone created something to do this unnoticed. They also check the toilet before you flush so nothing call fall in the toilet. Please advice asap!

 

1tokeovertheline

I doubt you have time to practice enough to pull it off, but read the substitution sticky for starters and good luck. Subbing while observed would be hard to pull off if you knew what you were doing.

jw22315

get yourself a lemon juice squeezer. fill it with clean urine. stick it on up there, you know where. Id say atleast for like two hours. Get yourself a peice of MAC's EAR WAX stuff. Place it over the opening. ( because you will NOT be able to unscrew the cap with one hand without looking obvious ) Have the opening about 1/3 of an inch outside of you. Sit down, hold the pee cup in place and ACT NORMAL. Slowly remove the wax with one of your finger tips, let it drop into toilet if you have to. COUGH or sigh really loud while doing this. Then use your "female" muscles to squeez a little of the urine out ( also, remove the plastic flow control peice from the lemon juice container, it wont allow for a proper flow. you will need the stream to sound like the real thing ) to hit the toilet water and then catch the rest in cup. Then WIPE with a BIG peice of toilet paper to cover up the little clear wax that is in the bowl. BUT YOU MUST PRACTICE!!!!!!!!! A GAZILLION TIMES! If you arent confident in this method, DONT DO IT as you will seem nervous and be all shakey! I cant garuntee this method, but I do this! MOST IMPORTANT thing is to PRACTICE!

1tokeovertheline

If this isn't supposed to be funny then I apologize. If it was supposed to be funny it was a good one. Have you actually done this?????

She is having/had an observed test.

So what about that sucking noise when the air rushes into the plastic lemon when you release your "female" muscles????

Also don't you think the one observering would wonder what the hell you are picking at with your finger. Especially if you are doing it slowly?

Thanks for the post it was good whether it was serious or not.

Now I have a new one. The old one....."she could suck start a Harley" The new one...."she could squeeze the juice out of a lemon with her female muscles".

I am glad I wasn't stoned when I read this.....

Sec

doesn't wax float???

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Bixby

Hey Suzy,

I remember reading somewhere, maybe in Nightbyrd's booklet, that what a woman donor might do would be to put her clean synthetic/sub sample into a non-lubed condom, and position it to start a stream without being seen from an observer's viewpoint.

(I personally question how much would be seen, especially if the donor uses a little distraction at the appropriate moment. You might have give some thought to this. Heck, enough distraction and you'd be able to just pour it in, practically.)

Anyways, the suggestion was to use a sharp fingernail to puncture the condom to release the contents into the cup in a natural-looking way. Any other sharp object you could manage would work.

My idea - consider using some Gerber baby nipples sold at the grocery. They come with different flow rates (i.e. two and three holes) so pick something that will get the stuff out faster. The longer it takes for you to put it in the cup, the more chance for an observer to stumble on your little cheat.

Nipples come in a 4-pack, try a few different modifications to their hole arrangement until you get the outflow to look like the real thing. The nipple attached condom just might allow some fine control over starting and stopping the stream that you can't achieve by poking a hole in the hidden donor sample condom container.

You will need some muscle control down there in order to make this work. Tip everything downwards and you not only hide your thing, but it lets gravity work to help you expel your sample into the cup.

You won't have any problem with temperature, just make sure you use the amount of water they recommend with their product, and make sure you can get it into the cup instead of your hands or in the bowl.

You need to practice your technique until you are confident in your performance, and that results are repeatable and predictable.

There are companies out there who can overnight your order and if the test is imminent I hope you already got your stuff.

I passed a test with synthetic stuff a few weeks ago, and would definitely endorse it as a successful alternative, if for some reason you want to substitute.

If you are determined enough and have a clean sample you can succeed.

Good luck!

jw22315

If this isn't supposed to be funny then I apologize. If it was supposed to be funny it was a good one. Have you actually done this?????

She is having/had an observed test.

So what about that sucking noise when the air rushes into the plastic lemon when you release your "female" muscles????

Also don't you think the one observering would wonder what the hell you are picking at with your finger. Especially if you are doing it slowly?

Thanks for the post it was good whether it was serious or not.

LOL! I WAS TOTALLY SERIOUS! hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.
To answer your questions, ( and they were surely valid ) Women have a slight advantage because we sit and place the cup UNDERneath us, obviously. We can hold the cup with two fingers leaving one of the other ones ( thumb most likely ) able to move freely without being seen. Trust me, it can be done with ease. And besides, one smooth sweep of the finger ( or thumb ) can remove the small wax covering. This is why practice is a must. To determine which finger, which position and so forth is most comfortable and smooth to pull off.
As for the wax floating, it does not. It seems to drop all the way to the bottom actually out of plain sight. The toilet paper "cover up " is just for good measure. It also doesnt make much of a splash. again, practice!
The wax idea came from the fact that most container tops and lids DO make noises and are difficult to operate without looking like one is fumbling around with something. Also, if placed on correctly, is a good sealer of leakage.
BUT GLAD YOU GOT A KICK OUT OF IT!

And as for the sucking noise, I too was concerned that this may happen but the body itself seems to muffle any noise made if, in fact, it DOES make that sound. I guess it would be a little hard to completely know what I mean from a guy's perspective. But Ladies, I think you all would.

jw22315

Bixby.... i worry about the condom method and sharp fingernail. In theory, I think it sounds good....but Ive tried this and the condom filled "devices" are a BITCH to deal with. They arent sturdy enough to get a good grip on. Sort of like a water ballon just wiggles around when squeezing it. They dont stay in place very well and can explode or leak making an obvious mess and total disaster. I only throw my two cents in here because I have tried it and was NEVER successful on any practice runs, it was just too difficult. I know you didnt ask my opinion, but forgive me, It is meant with no disrespect.

1tokeovertheline

Yes...that is why they said:

1tokeovertheline

You're right I am not a woman but I am starting to understand. Why not just use one of them squeeze mustard bottles? Then you could just pop the little top open and squeeze out what you need and snap it back closed. Then you wouldn't have to worry about covering the wax.