This morning, after hearing that Attorney General Jeff Sessions was attempting to dismantle all of the medical marijuana progress America has made in the last decade or so, it felt like my world was closing in.
Then, I calmed myself down by remembering that, despite the chaos, there are a few things I can take solace in today to reestablish normalcy; Lebron is still losing NBA Finals, Jerry Seinfeld is still being Jerry Seinfeld, and Chief Keef is still getting arrested for doing incredibly dumb things. Woosah.
The 21-year-old Chicago rap icon was taken into custody by authorities in South Dakota early Monday for marijuana possession. Keef, born Keith Cozart, was caught with two cannabis edibles and four blunts at the Sioux Falls Regional Airport and promptly arrested around 8:30 a.m. Cozart was booked less than an hour later in Minnehaha County Jail and held without bail, as the two ounces (or more) of marijuana that Keef had on him is considered a felony in South Dakota, and carries maximum penalties of up to five years in prison and up to a $10,000 fine.
Now, before you chastise me for kicking someone while they’re down (I mean Chief Keef, not Lebron), know that I never want to see someone locked up for a simple weed offense. Petty pot possession charges are so two-thousand-and-late — though bringing it to the airport without a valid doctor’s recommendation ventures into asking-for-it territory. I just know as a Chief Keef fan, him getting in trouble for completely avoidable and preventable crimes means that his plan is working and we probably have fire new music coming around the corner.
See, this is all just part of Keef’s creative process; like when Bobby Boucher needed to hear his enemies talking trash about his Mama to get fired up for the gridiron, Keith Cozart needs to spend a few pointless hours in random Podunk lockups to mark the start of a new album cycle. Keef promised three monumental new projects in 2017 and just recently released the middle offering, so everything seems to be right on schedule.
Also, let’s take a moment to appreciate the hilarity of Chief Keef’s blunt game. You’ll notice that I mentioned two key factors about the weed Keef had on him at the time of his airport arrest. The stash was weighed at over two ounces, yet was all rolled into four blunts. This means that, yes, Chief Keef really does smoke what he has referred to in the past as “Gorilla Thumbs” and that he does indeed engage in elite-level stoner activities.
The real shame here is that Chief Keef was in South Dakota to do some charity work for the kids, performing an all-ages show Sunday at a celebrity basketball game to raise money for an anti-bullying campaign.
The event’s promoter was quick to defend Cozart’s altruistic reasoning for his brief stay in South Dakota in a statement, saying, “He came to our city to help us have a day where (the) majority of our city youth is inside a safe place with friends enjoying their selves instead of out engaging in illegal activities. Only The Stars and Kowabunga are only doing what this city is not willing to do: focus on our YOUTH. Chief has had his problems in the past and his fixed himself: just Google him. At the end of day he came out for a day of (engaging) in a serious cause we are working towards: fighting bullying.”
Hopefully, Chief Keef gets himself clear of these weed charges soon, and promptly returns to California, where he can roll gorilla thumbs in peace (and get back to recording).
Here’s my Mount Kushmore of Chief Keef Weed Songs, let us know your four in the comments.